Zombie Carnegie Returns from Grave

Students and officials were shocked when the reanimated corpse of Andrew Carnegie shambled onto campus last Wednesday morning. After resting in peace for 81 years, the university's founder staggered into Warner Hall, smelling of fresh earth and rotting flesh, where he asked to meet President Cohen.

After a lengthy closed-doors debate session, Andrew Carnegie announced that he and Cohen had agreed to Cernegie's new position of "Undying President of Carnegie Mellon University for All Eternity". Cohen himself could not be reached for comment on the appointment, due to having had his brain devoured by the ravenous dead. Campus authorities are uncertain of the long-term effects of his plans for the university, but have found that they are not legally allowed to remove Mr. Carnegie from what is, technically, his private property.

Authorities are also uncertain as to the cause of his un-life. Erik Inopac, a fifth-year senior CFA student specializing in Dark Arts, has been researching the situation: "We believe that Andrew Carnegie prepared himself for his own inevitable death and resurrection, building a special burial tomb hidden beneath his cemetery. He may even have a mystical power focus built into the very foundation of this college, particularly the twisting depths of Doherty Hall, as well as the sacrificial temple in the steam tunnels."

"Even so," added Inopac, "We shouldn't let a little thing like a lack of a pulse or an unholy appetite for the brains of the living tarnish the reputation of our grand founder, especially now that he has transcended death to once again lead our university."

A hurried inauguration of the new President is scheduled for next Tuesday. All students are required to attend, particularly those with GPAs of 3.0 or higher. The celebration will be catered, but it is suggested that you BYOB (Bring Your Own Brains).